Human sexuality was created by God as something good and beautiful. Unfortunately, sin has perverted this precious gift in many harmful ways. A perennial human challenge is how to deal with the temptation to lust. After many years of hearing confessions and sharing with people about the spiritual life, I would like to share a summary of some of the most effective weapons in the fight to conquer temptation and grow in the virtue of purity.

1. Find an alternative to the sin.
Sin is usually a mistaken solution to some valid need in our life. The proper answer is to find instead a healthy way to answer our need. For example, when we are feeling loneliness, rather than seeking sexual stimulation for a temporary sense of connection, we can seek the alternative route of reaching out to chat with family and friends in a healthy way.

2. Make choices about your environment.
We are called not only to avoid sin, but also to avoid the near occasion of sin. This calls for an awareness of our triggers and situations that lead to the sinful behavior and could lead to relapse. By taking steps to avoid these, we help protect ourselves from the behavior that we are attempting to avoid. For example, if the consumption of drugs or alcohol is impeding our judgment and leading us down the path to sin, we would do well to avoid those substances and the places where they are supplied.

We can choose to spend less time focused on a screen and more time interacting with the people and activities around us.

We can choose to place holy images and Scripture passages in the places where we live and work, particularly near the computer screen, to remind us of the constant presence of God and the saints.

We can also make choices about the people with whom we hang out. Their priorities and habits can influence us and motivate us either toward God or toward sin. For example, the more we listen to dirty jokes, the more it will gradually erode our view of the dignity of sexuality. Thus, if we truly desire to live a virtuous life, we will choose to spend time with virtuous people who model good language and behavior.

3. Change the input.
When working with computers, we often say,“garbage in, garbage out.” That is, faulty input into the system will result in faulty output. The mind is like a computer. If we want to reduce sinful output, then we must change the input. For example, the more a person looks at pornographic images or listens to lustful lyrics, the more their moral sensibilities will be desensitized, and the more likely they will be led to sins of the flesh. If we want to live a virtuous life, we need to get rid of all pornographic materials and digital files and fill our minds with what is good.

St. Paul captures this beautifully in Philippians 4:8: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

4. Encounter others with respect.
When we look at another person and find them attractive, here is a healthy approach: we accept the attraction, acknowledge the fact that we are attracted, and identify what it is about the other that we find attractive. We should not objectify them but rather consider that this is a real person with opinions, beliefs, family, friends, talents, and inherent dignity. We pray in our heart, “Jesus, help me to look upon him/her with your eyes.” We acknowledge that this is someone’s son or daughter, father or mother, sister or brother. We acknowledge that this person is not mine to possess. If lustful thoughts try to pop into our head, we do not hold onto them; we simply let them fly away like a leaf on the breeze.

5. Nip it in the bud.
Through practice, we can learn to see the temptation coming, “head it off at the pass,” and stop its development ahead of time, before it becomes too powerful. This calls for self-awareness, knowledge of our triggers, and a discipline of the imagination. It sometimes calls us to look away or walk away from the object of temptation. The Book of James says, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (Jas 4:7). We should say “no” to sin and not “maybe.” If we’re going to flee from sin, we should not leave a forwarding address.

6. Get regular exercise.
Scientific research shows that many of the chemicals and hormones released in the brain during sex are the same ones that are released when a person does physical exercise. Thus, a regular pattern of exercise through running, walking, and sports can help lead to more peace of mind and sexual self-control. Friends and workout partners can help motivate us to stay faithful to the exercise.

7. Practice the virtues until they become habits.
There are certain virtues that we should cultivate to strengthen our capacity to resist temptation:

• self-discipline
• moderation
• humility
• responsibility
• perseverance
• fortitude
• modesty
• prudence

We can train ourselves, like an athlete training for competition, to grow in these virtues. Every time we conquer a temptation, even a small one, we become stronger and more free.

8. Think of the long-term consequences.
Sin is often an attempt at immediate gratification of the desires of the moment. If we are going to be victorious over sinful patterns in our life, we should seek the long-term will of God, in an eternal perspective, not just the immediate payoff.

9. Know yourself.
For many people, emotional avoidance is a significant factor. We need to get in touch with our feelings and express them appropriately. When we ignore or repress our emotions, they will affect our judgment and actions. Sexual acting out (such as compulsive pornography use, anonymous sexual encounters, or infidelity) is often less about sexual desire itself and more about using sexual behavior to regulate difficult emotions. Sexual arousal temporarily shifts attention away from uncomfortable emotions such as anger, stress, anxiety, or grief, and it can trigger calming neurochemicals, making it an appealing coping mechanism. Thus, if we want to live free from sexual compulsion, we need to be attentive to our day-to-day emotional life.

10. Base your self-esteem in God.
You are precious and special and valuable because God made you, not because some human being notices you and affirms you. If your self-esteem is grounded in God’s love for you, then you won’t need to resort to sin in order to feel loved and accepted. Regularly pay attention to the many ways you can see God’s love in your life.

11. Educate your conscience.
The Bible, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and other good spiritual reading help to form a more sensitive conscience, by teaching right and wrong. Our active participation in a faith community helps to train our conscience to be more fully conformed to the will of God. Let God’s word in Scripture penetrate deeply into your life. Replace some of your screen time with spiritual reading.

12. Ask for help from God.
We must rely on the grace of God. Our own power is not enough. We cannot make it without God’s help. We must call upon all three members of the Holy Trinity:

To God the Father we pray, “lead us not into temptation.” St. Paul says, “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength” (1 Cor 10:13).

We must also call frequently upon the holy name of Jesus Christ. The Letter to the Hebrews says, “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted” (Heb 2:18).

The Holy Spirit is also essential in this battle. St. Paul says, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness” (Rom 8:26). In our struggles to live the life of chastity, we pray for the gifts of the Spirit, including wisdom, understanding, and fortitude.

13. Go to confession and Communion.
The frequent reception of the sacraments of penance and the Eucharist fills us with the healing and protecting power of the grace of Jesus Christ. We need these essential weapons in our battle against sin.

14. Ask for help from the saints.
As fellow members of the communion of saints, we benefit tremendously from the prayer support of powerful intercessors such as St. Mary, St. Joseph, and St. Maria Goretti. The saints understand human weakness and point us toward the mercy and healing power of Christ. The saints offer encouragement and solidarity for anyone seeking healing from sexual compulsion, reminding us that recovery is a spiritual journey rooted in grace, community, and ongoing conversion.

15. Find an accountability partner.
Many people find their path to sexual purity by using an accountability partner. Checking in regularly to report on temptations and behavior has proven to be a very helpful tool.

16. Use online resources.
There are some very effective resources available online for conquering temptations to sexual impurity. One of them is called Integrity Restored (www.integrityrestored.com). This Catholic site offers a wealth of scientific, theological, and practical information to help restore the integrity of those who have been affected by pornography and pornography addiction. Integrity Restored provides education, training, and encouragement to break free from pornography, heal relationships, and assist parents in preventing and responding to pornography exposure which is so devastating in the lives of their children.

A Catholic layman named Matt Fradd has created Strive 21, which provides men struggling with a pornography addiction the tools they need to kick the habit (www.strive21.com).

Covenant Eyes was founded in 2000 to help people overcome pornography and be restored. Their internet accountability tools and educational programs have helped transform the lives of many people (www.covenanteyes.com).

Sometimes, professional counseling is the tool that a person needs to break free from the chains of sexual addiction. Trustworthy Catholic therapists can be found at www.catholictherapists.com.

Conclusion
Scientists say that the most powerful sex organ is the brain. We can retrain and reshape our thought patterns, which will lead to a reform of our actions. St. Paul says, “Do not conform yourselves to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Rom 12:2).

We must never give up. When we suffer a setback, we seek forgiveness and start again. With the help of God’s grace, the saints, self-discipline, and trusted friends, we can gradually grow in our true freedom to live a pure, chaste, and virtuous life.